PART 4 - SELF-AWARENESS

While there are plenty of mistakes we make when it comes to changing habits, our willpower is not the problem. The issue is skipping the foundational things that help cement the change into our lives. In this blog series, we will explore the five things you need in place when changing your habits.

If you have been following along, you have already established your “why” or your core reason for making your change (Part 1), you know your baseline or starting point (Part 2) and you recognize the need to make change using small conscious action (Part 3).

The fourth must-have when changing habits is Self-Awareness or conscious knowledge about yourself.

“I’ve tried everything.”

“I am doing everything.”

“I just don’t know why I can’t make this change.”  

Do any of these statements sound familiar? If so, I suggest you continue reading.

You see, since habits are largely unconscious actions, having self-awareness can take some effort and dedication. It also takes a whole lot of being honest with yourself and some digging to understand what’s beneath your story. But when you do the work (it gets easier, I promise), the sky is the limit...

To break this down a bit more I like to divide self-awareness into two parts: 

• Honest self-reflection about the results of your effort and action in making your habit change.

• And, an exploration into the need this habit fulfills for you (this can be done for both habits you’re trying to change and habits you’re trying to create). 

Honest Self-Reflection

Self-reflection can be tough to do. Honest self-reflection can be even more difficult. The goal is to look at yourself and honestly assess how much effort you are actually putting into your habit change. Equally important is to take a candid look at the results of your effort. 

Often our own self-protection mechanism and ego will want to point the finger in other directions when we are not making the progress we have planned. We can also fool ourselves into thinking “I have tried or I am doing everything” possible in support of this change. Honest self-reflection helps us identify the gaps between what we say and what we do.  

For example, back when I had the habit of regularly burning the candle at both ends, I would complain about how I had too much to do and not enough time to complete everything. I looked outside of myself - pointing the finger at everything and everyone else. Work was too busy. I felt like my two, small children consumed all of my time, and my home and life tasks seemed never-ending. 

I was exhausted. 

All. The. Time. 

Despite my desire to change my circumstances, I didn’t engage in any self-reflection about my role in the exhaustion. I didn’t take the time to notice my actions that were contributing to this habit that needed to change. 

During the day I would tackle many tasks at once in an effort to be productive. Once night rolled around I would stay up late completing my work/life to-do list or watching TV with my husband because I felt I deserved a break.  And of course, as a parent to two small children, I may or may not get to sleep through the night and would always be up bright and early. 

It soon became clear that staying in this vicious loop and looking outside myself for the solution was never going to help me get more sleep. I had to get honest with what I was doing to contribute to the situation. Once I took a candid look, I could take responsibility and begin to make the shifts needed. Today, I sleep better than I ever have and it’s changed my productivity and outlook on life.

Explore Your Needs 

Part of self-awareness is recognizing when it’s time to pause to ask yourself, “What do I need at this moment?” Please take note, this takes practice. You may find that this is the last place you want to go and resort to distracting yourself with your phone, social media, television, etc. instead. 

For example, when I find myself engaging in the habit of procrastination (which can take the form of distracting myself with my phone) and not taking action, I pause to get under the procrastination. I ask myself, “Why aren’t you doing what you know you need to do?” Typically I find fear under procrastination. 

The habit of procrastination is helping me avoid the uncomfortable feeling of fear. When I explore the feeling I recognize that I’m concerned I will take action and that it will be “wrong” or that I will put a lot of effort in for little return. Understanding that the procrastination is driven by the need for “certainty” is helpful because it gives me direction on how to respond. 

Meditate for Self-Awareness 

One of the tools I regularly use for self-reflection and self-awareness is the practice of meditation to explore my own life when making habit changes. I invite all of my clients to do the same. It’s a way to look at yourself with curiosity and exploration instead of with a critical eye. 

Though it’s not always comfortable, in meditation I can sit with the fear manifesting as procrastination, get curious about it, and even find a way forward. Even if the fear doesn't completely dissipate, recognizing its existence and sitting with it in meditation does wonders for helping it shift and change. 

What kind of Self-Awareness practice do you use when making a change in your own life?  

If you have made it this far, it’s clear that you’re serious about changing your habits and want to understand the 5 must-have strategies for making change successfully. If you haven’t already, check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, and stay tuned for Part 5 next week! 

If you are ready to make real change in 2021 and need support, you won’t want to miss this!