Feel Like You’re at the Mercy of Your Stress Habits? You are Not Alone
When you are stressed, it’s likely that you not only feel a notable sensation in your body, but you may also feel a certain way emotionally. It’s also likely that to soothe those physical sensations and/or emotional feelings of stress, you have a go-to, self-soothing habit or collection of habits, i.e., scrolling social, Netflix, working harder, eating, shopping, consuming alcohol/drugs, gambling, gaming, etc.
Self-soothing behavior habits, also called coping mechanisms, are usually noted by their “escape” quality. When our discomfort becomes too much, we can “move away” from it by immersing ourselves in something else.
The sensations, feelings, and habits you experience or engage in when stressed and when soothing your stress may feel like part of you because you have practiced them repeatedly, establishing a well-worn brain pathway. They have become routine, a way for your brain to conserve energy. It is easier for you not to change or challenge this route.
Self-Soothing Habits and Choice
Just a note, that self-soothing habits are not “bad” as they can help us regulate our emotions, and restore a sense of equilibrium. My goal with this article to bring them into your awareness so you can decide if they are serving you or if they are keeping you from addressing challenges and reaching your goals. Keep in mind, that these habits are regular actions that add up to larger life results. So if you’re not getting the results you desire, it’s worth taking a look at.
My stress tends to show up as discomfort and tightness in my shoulders and neck. I also have an overall feeling of tightness and overwhelm and a sense of being out of control. My self-soothing escape routes are dictated by the time of day: social scrolling, working more and snacking by day when I’m not hungry, and Netflix and online shopping at night.
My escape routes mostly add up to propel me away from my goals of using my time effectively and being in tune with my body. Being aware of them can help me find another behavior that better supports my goals. It can also help me “choose” them when appropriate, i.e. “I am going to watch Netflix while relaxing now.”
One of my favorite quotes comes from Dr. Amanda Blake, author of Your Body is Your Brain and Master Somatic Leadership Coach, who also holds a Human Biology degree from Stanford University. She says,
“Awareness creates choice. Practice builds capacity.“
This quote represents our ability to break the cycle of feeling at the mercy of our stress response and self-soothing behaviors and harness our agency to direct our lives. Becoming aware that your stress has been triggered gives you the choice to respond to it differently. Practicing tools to influence your stress builds the capacity to be more resilient.
Research suggests that “...stress promotes habits at the expense of goal-directed performance in humans.”
So that self-defeat you are feeling about not being able to willpower your way through something can be thrown out the window. You actually need to rewire your brain to engage in a more desireable habit. But how?
Become Aware
First, you need to become aware that your stress response has been triggered. Where do you feel stress in your body? How are you feeling emotionally? Are you attempting to self-soothe? Please note your “thinking brain” has gone offline in this moment, so thinking your way to a new pathway is not an option.
Influence Your Stress
When the stress response is triggered, your brain will not help you. As Dr. Andrew Huberman, a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine, says, you need to go to the body. If you are new to this type of practice, it will take some practice to identify what tools work best for you.
I have detailed how to influence your stress response via the senses and areas of the senses in a previous blog series called From Managing Stress to Influencing It, parts 1-6. See below for links:
From Managing Stress to Influencing It - Part 1
Just a note that using these tools takes practice. It’s like tying your shoes or riding a bike. The more you engage with them, the more automatic they become. Also, you are the expert of you. You may feel silly while trying some of them, but if you feel it’s too much, you can pause, stop or try something else.
Which sense will you start with? If you need some guidance check out my bite-sized stress resets on Insight Timer.
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