Most of us have been taught to disconnect from our bodies and our internal knowing and look outside of ourselves for the answers we seek.
We are taught that authority figures, such as parents, teachers, doctors have the answers and know what’s best.
Society teaches us that our possessions, accomplishments, job, physical appearance, number of friends, the success of our family or romantic relationships, income, etc. determine our worth and value in the world.
We even look outside ourselves for love, happiness, peace, and our sense of self.
The ironic thing is that we look out through our own personal lens and sense of safety and then make a determination about what the world wants us to be.
This was my experience. For far too long I spent too much time looking outside of myself for answers. Over time, I realized that all of the “answers” I did find came up short. I was and never could be what the world wanted me to because it was incongruent with who I actually am. I’m grateful for that now but at the time it was incredibly difficult and confusing.
Innate Wisdom
After years of meditating, I realized that my body has an innate wisdom that I spent most of my life ignoring for fear of being “wrong” or going against the grain. I thought my brain was running the show, making the decisions, learning the lessons. In reality, my autonomic nervous system is the underlying conductor of my behavior, and of my responses (this is true for all mammals).
A major driver of the autonomic nervous system is the vagus nerve. Also known as the 10th cranial nerve, it runs from the brainstem to the gut with different circuits that run out perpendicular and is responsible for regulating our nervous system.
Polyvagal Theory
Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory teaches us that there are three primary states at play in the two pathways (parasympathetic and sympathetic) of the vagus system or branches of the autonomic nervous system:
Safe and Social (ventral vagal - part of parasympathetic) - This is the newest part of the nervous system. When we are in this state we have the ability to co-regulate and self-regulate. We have a regulated heart rate and full, easy breathing. Our attention is on connection and we are open to reach out for and offer support.
Fight or Flight (sympathetic) - This state primes us for and mobilizes us into action and influences our breathing, heart rate, and blood flow, and blood pressure. Adrenaline is released and we experience a narrowed focus.
Shutdown (dorsal vagal - part of parasympathetic) - This is the oldest part of the nervous system. This state can bring feelings of dissociation and disconnection. Safety and hope feel unavailable.
When we “neurocept” or unconsciously notice cues of safety or danger in the three different places our body is listening (inside of our bodies; outside to our external environment; and between us and other nervous systems) we move between the above states. Author and therapist, Deb Dana, refers to this as shifting up and down the Polyvagal Ladder.
The nervous system is also capable of blended or mixed states that are referenced here.
Power to Shape the Nervous System
Once I had an understanding of the different states of my nervous system, it helped me understand the power I had to help shape my system. I learned tactics that could help me shift up the ladder.
Shifting into safe and social looks like first recognizing that I have dropped down the ladder and exploring what triggered me. Then, since the brain takes its cues from the body, I am working to activate that safe and social or ventral vagal state in my body, such as:
Intentionally shaping the breath by extending my exhale.
Intentionally sighing which helps reset the respiratory system, which in turn resets the nervous system.
Getting out into nature.
Listening to music.
When we actively work to shift into that “safe and social” state it helps bring our pre-frontal cortex, also known as the “thinking” brain back online. From there we can be better equipped to make decisions and determine next steps.
Feeling at a Loss? Try This
I share all of this to illustrate that looking outside of ourselves for answers can be an attempt to override our body’s messages. It’s a seeking that will never be satisfied. Next time you are feeling at a loss for answers, answer these questions if possible:
Where you are on the Polyvagal Ladder?
Can you identify what triggered you - something inside your body, something in your external environment or possibly another nervous system who is dysregulated?
Lastly, does it help to try one of the bullets above to bring your body back up the ladder?
After answering those questions, I like to use a meditation like this Head, Heart, Gut Check-In to help me move forward.
Will you try shifting your state?
