I know, I know. It sounds completely depressing. But hear me out. Understanding that no one is coming to save you can actually be an eye-opening and empowering truth.
I’ll be honest, when I first realized this it sent me into a bit of a tailspin.
What about the doctors, the therapists, outside experts, and resources, like prescriptions? Surely one of them has the answers. Surely one of them could fix me and my life, right?
Nope.
Could they help? Maybe. Could they help me see blindspots? Yep.
But ultimately it is up to me to identify my actual needs, put the pieces together, and be my own advocate and active party in supporting my daily mental and physical health.
I could stop waiting in limbo. No outside person could wave a magic wand, write a script or say the right words to solve my life’s challenges. The only person that could make an impact on my life was me. I had to be my own superhero. This final understanding that I am the one who has to make it happen took a while to feel empowering but eventually, it clicked.
I didn’t need heroic efforts or feats to change my life. These three truths are what helped me move forward:
Getting Honest with Myself
I needed to get honest with myself about things that help me gain traction toward my goals and things that serve as a distraction and detract from how I show up in the world.
For example, despite the common narrative that “mommy needs her wine,” I realized that drinking alcohol did not help me make traction. Yes, it felt good at the time of consumption and it definitely helped me escape reality, but overall it was negatively influencing me. It caused diminished deep sleep, left me feeling groggy, and made me unproductively slow the next day.
I could easily tell myself that it wasn’t a big deal because it was just 1-2 drinks but the cumulative effect over time was taking its toll. I had to get honest with myself that drinking was not ever going to help me gain traction toward who I was trying to be. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a drink every once in a while but it’s a very conscious choice when it happens. That was one of many daily decisions I continue to make to support my future self.
I also have to look for the silver linings and lessons of difficult situations. If I don’t, my inherent negativity bias can kick in and I can get stuck dwelling on what isn’t working. Rumination doesn't help me move forward so I had to learn how to consciously redirect my attention and savor the good in my life, no matter how small.
2. My Body is a Self-Healing System
Our bodies turn over billions of cells per day. This gives us each the ability to shift the outcomes of our bodies by changing the inputs we put in.
There was a time when I thought I was doing everything I could to support myself. Then I started being honest with myself (see number 1) and I realized that when breaking down my habits there were several that could be eliminated for a better outcome.
For example, the input of my favorite snack, (which sometimes became my lunch) corn chips and diet coke was not supporting my body. Other inputs that didn’t support my health included staying up too late, the news, gossip, choosing TV instead of exercise, overworking myself and buying into my self-inflicted, negative thoughts.
You see, the proper inputs can help support cell renewal and set your body up for creating the outputs you need to thrive. They can also help your mental state and overall well-being.
Examples of inputs include:
Quality sleep, nutrition and movement;
Habits, and hobbies that help you feel expansive, empowered and open;
Embodied safety and calm;
Mindfulness and meditation;
Positive self-talk;
A healthy environment - physical and mental;
And connection with others that you care about.
3. I have power
Understanding how extraordinarily resilient, and capable I am was the first step in recognizing my own power. My body and brain have done some amazing things - everything from healing small cuts to healing depression. In fact, we are hardwired to heal, given the proper inputs (see number 2).
I am ultimately in charge of the everyday choices I make for my body and mind and I can use that power for good. Establishing habits that help move me forward (always moving forward is my mantra) has been my way of stepping into the responsibility of healing myself. And in the process, I can recognize my distractions or unhelpful habits and how they have served me - get curious about them, thank them for protecting me and work to dismantle them using the 5 Foundations for Habit Change.
How are you acting as your own superhero?
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