Sitting “idle” was never a comfortable place for me. Maybe it was my father’s words from childhood echoing in my head about “not sitting around” or something deeper within me, but I never used to “stop” moving, thinking or doing.
It wasn’t until I was sitting on the verge of a serious autoimmune disease that I realized something needed to change. All my moving, doing, thinking was causing me to ignore a very important piece of me – my own sacred space.
You see I used to spend a lot of time not being satisfied with where I was in life. That state of mind doesn’t make for a good time when you sit quietly because in the quiet you’re silently judging your own actions or in my case inaction. My inner critic became extra loud when I stopped being busy and started listening. So in order to avoid being criticized I avoided being still.
Even when I lived alone, I was constantly finding things to do. This included late night Target runs, surfing the web for an elusive item or idea, calling or meeting friends to catch up or making a plan to be busy the next day or week. In hindsight, I now know that I was avoiding the uncomfortable noise of my inner critic.
Fast forward to the present day, three years into my daily meditation practice, I now welcome the opportunity to sit quietly, with “nothing to do.” No longer plagued regularly by my inner voice’s tongue lashings (sometimes she makes an appearance but I can quickly dispel her words), I crave sitting in peaceful silence.
The ability to meet my own resistance, my own uncomfortable place, didn’t come overnight. I still practice it every day. But I am in awe of the capability of the human mind’s ability to stretch and change (read more about neuroplasticity here!). We hold so much power that many of us are not even aware of. The moving, thinking and doing of our daily lives keeps us from truly seeing ourselves. It keeps us from truly owning and harnessing our power to direct our lives.
My wish for you is that you soon know the feeling that I have come to know through my daily meditation practice. The feeling that I am worthy. The feeling that I have the power to change what I don’t like in my life. And most importantly the feeling that I can love myself, wholly and completely just as I am.
Not sure how to get there? I can help. Click here.
