PART 1 - Know your Why
It can be easy to beat yourself up and think that you’re weak or lack willpower when you fail to change your habits. Especially if it’s something you’ve tried before. Most of us have pretty harsh inner critics that make us think we are the problem.
While there are plenty of mistakes we make when it comes to changing habits, our willpower is not the problem. What we can point the finger at is skipping the foundational things that help cement the change into our lives. In this blog series, we will explore the five things you need in place when changing your habits.
The first must-have when changing habits is to Know Your Why.
Find Your Core Why
It's a very common mistake when making change. I've made it myself many times before. Not knowing your core “why,” which goes beyond the surface level of the habit change. For example, the surface level “I want to eat healthier,” has a deeper why underneath. What would eating healthier result in?
It goes beyond the first thing that comes to mind when you think about making the change. If you are aware of the core reason you want the change and truly connect to the feelings that it brings up for you, you can make lasting change in your life - whether it's breaking a habit or creating a new one.
Because it’s such a critical piece, I invite you to join me in an exercise to find out your core reason or “why” for wanting to change a habit.
First, think about a habit you’re trying to break or create. What is your why (read: reason) for making the change?
To really get to the bottom of why you want this change, you have to find out what it is you think is on the other side of the change. What will this change bring about in your life? Will it bring you health? Will it bring you wealth? Will it bring you friends or romance? What are you seeking?
Oftentimes we jump into the action of the habit first. With the example habit of eating healthier. We may:
Clean out our cupboards.
Look up recipes.
Buy the food we think we should eat.
Start experimenting with making “healthy” meals.
And do all of the things.
We can put a lot of effort in from an action standpoint but without a focused-why, it’s like building a house without a foundation. Sadly it most likely won’t last and we’ll find ourselves in full on self-criticism mode, inaccurately wondering why we “don’t have enough willpower.”
Let’s get to your deep-down why for this change you are making. Feel free to grab a notebook or print this worksheet so you can identify your core why. This exercise is called Seven Layers Deep. You can read along or watch a video of the exercise here.
Go Seven Layers Deep
Establish what the habit you want to change is - say you want to eat healthier (if we were doing this together I would urge you to get super specific).
First you ask yourself at level one, why am I making this change? If it helps you can close your eyes and think about it for a moment.
For example, why do I want to eat healthier? First layer response example is to lose weight.The second layer is why is your first response important? Again, take a moment and close your eyes and feel it. Letting the second layer arise without overthinking it. Our first layer example was to lose weight. What would losing weight mean? Second layer response example is to feel better.
The third layer is why is your second response important? Going with whatever comes to you naturally. Our second layer example was to feel better. Why is it important to feel better? Third layer response example is to fit into my clothes.
The fourth layer is why is your third response important? You got this! Keep up the good work. Our third layer example was to fit into my clothes. Why is it important to fit into my clothes? Fourth layer response example is to have more energy.
The fifth layer is why is your fourth response important? Our fourth layer example was to have more energy. Why is it important to have more energy? Fifth layer response example is to be healthier.
The sixth layer is why is your fifth response important? Our fifth layer example was to be healthier. Why is it important to be healthier? Sixth layer response example is to have energy to play with my kids.
The seventh layer is why is your sixth response important? This is also YOUR WHY. Our sixth layer example was to have energy to play with my kids. Why is it important to play with my kids? Seventh layer example is to feel connected with my kids.
Keep in mind that your why may even go beyond the seventh layer. There is no rule that you need to stop here. If you ask yourself why your seventh response is important and another reason comes to mind, by all means keep going. No matter where you stop (I would suggest at least exploring seven layers) the goal is to get to your core why. Hint: you’ll know when you’re getting close because you will feel it emotionally.
Feel like you nailed? Congrats and high-five!
Diving deep to get to your core why is serious progress forward. I invite you to write your why down and place it somewhere visible. If you can see, feel into and connect with your why every day you will be more apt to follow through with your efforts when it comes to your habit.
This is a helpful exercise to use with each habit you consider creating or changing. In doing this work, even if it is a bit uncomfortable, you are building the foundation for lasting change in your life.
If you have made it this far, it’s clear that you’re serious about changing your habits and want to understand the 5 must-have strategies for making change successfully. Be sure to bookmark this page and stay tuned for Part 2 next week!
