We all make mistakes.
It's how we respond and react to our mistakes that determines what comes next. Often times the first reaction, speaking from experience is to beat yourself up and to become hypercritical.
As a coach, I often see people who are afraid to make mistakes causing them to hold back from trying. The truth is, mistakes are not failures but opportunities for growth and learning. In this post, I'll share some tips for embracing mistakes and using them to become a better version of yourself.
Accept Responsibility
The first step in learning from mistakes is to accept responsibility for them. It can be tempting to blame others or circumstances for our mistakes, but this approach only hinders our growth. When we take responsibility, we acknowledge that we have control over our actions and can make changes to improve.
Analyze and Learn
Once you've accepted responsibility, it's essential to analyze your mistakes. Ask yourself what went wrong, why it happened, and how you can prevent it from happening again in the future. This analysis gives you the chance to reflect on your actions and identify areas where you can improve. In the process, you learn how to avoid repeating them in the future, allowing you to grow and develop as a person.
Required for Growth
Mistakes are required for growth, making them is a trial-and-error approach rather than proof of your inadequacy. Instead of viewing them as fails, experiment with seeing them as stepping stones on your path. Maybe a necessary step in your evolution, or just an iteration getting you closer to your next big idea.
Author and Professor of Psychology at Standford, Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. discusses embracing mistakes with a growth mindset, in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success:
In this mindset, the hand you’re dealt is just the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.
Along those lines, one of my favorite parenting approaches to take with my children is to simply praise the effort, not the result. After all, every action taken, mistake or not, is progress forward.
Calm the Critic
We all have that little voice inside that expresses criticism, frustration, or disapproval about our actions, especially when we make a mistake. Although the actual self-talk is different for each of us, as is its frequency or intensity, it might sound like:
“You should…”
“You shouldn’t have…”
“Why didn’t you…?” or
“What’s wrong with you?”
We know these judgemental “words” are not supportive and can contribute to feelings of shame and upset. The reason the critic usually gets loud is not because what it’s “saying” is true, it is due to feeling threatened. Ironically, it activates in order to protect you. To stop you from repeating the same mistake.
Calming the critic can simply look like thanking it for its effort to protect you and letting it know you can take it from here. It can also look like feeling your feelings knowing that they are temporary and reminding yourself that this is a stepping stone along your path.
How will you respond the next time you make a mistake?
